Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009)Directed by: Phil Claydon
Written by: Stewart Williams, Paul Hupfield
Starring: James Corden, Mathew Horne, MyAnna Buring, Vera Filatova, Paul McGann, Silvia Colloca, Lucy Gaskell, Louise Dylan, Ashley Mulheron
If 'Twilight' is barren, boring 'erotica' for teenage girls, then this unfunny, juvenile mess is a 13 year old boys wet dream. Two homely blokes go to an old village and run into a clan of big breasted lesbian vampires who explode into white goo when killed. Not one joke works and the acting sucks. F
Xanadu (1980)Directed by: Robert Greenwald
Written by: Richard Christian Danus, Marc Reid Rubel
Starring: Olivia Newton-John, Gene Kelly, Michael Beck, James Sloyan, Dimitra Arliss, Katie Hanley
A young artist meets a Greek muse and they decide to open up a roller rink. They fall in love in the process. Horrible musical numbers, terrible acting, and a lame story make this one of the most famous failures in movie history. Personally, I didn't find it bad enough to be 'so bad it's good.' It's just bad. F
Leonard Part Six (1987)Directed by: Paul Weiland
Written by: Bill Cosby, Jonathan Reynolds
Starring: Bill Cosby, Tom Courtenay, Joe Don Baker, Moses Gunn, Pat Colbert, Gloria Foster, Victoria Rowell, Anna Levine, David Maier, Grace Zabriskie
One of the most bizarre star vehicles I've ever seen. Cosby plays a secret agent who must stop an evil vegetarian's plan to rule the world with her animals. It's supposed to be funny, but it's just awful. Why Cosby did this at the height of his TV success is a mystery for me. F
The Queen of the Damned (2002)Directed by: Michael Rymer
Written by: Anne Rice; Scott Abbott, Michael Petroni
Starring: Aaliyah, Stuart Townsend, Marguerite Moreau, Vincent Perez, Paul McGann, Lena Olin
The Vampire Lestat (played by Tom Cruise in 'Interview With the Vampire) is now a rock star. He wakes the oldest vampire in the world with his music and she comes looking for him. That's basically the crux of the story. Two of Anne Rice's books were jammed into one film, and it's a total failure. Every decision the makers of this movie made, from the script to the costumes to the music, was wrong. But instead of being a fun bad movie, it's just lifeless. F
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