Dead Of Winter (1987)

Directed by: Arthur Penn
Written by: Marc Shmuger + Mark Malone
Starring: Mary Steenburgen, Roddy McDowell, Jan Rubes, William Russ, Ken Pogue, Wayne Robson, Mark Malone

Mary Steenburgen plays Katie, a down on her luck actress who is told that she is being considered to take over a film role that was being played by someone else who greatly resembles her. The casting director (Roddy McDoweel) tell her that the first actress had a breakdown and ran away from the set. She is taken to a snowbound country house in remote upstate New York to film an audition tape for the eldery, wheelchair bound producer (Jan Rubes.) After she arrives, things begin to look as if they are not what they seem. Katie soon realizes she is in incredible danger and attempts escape.

With a premise straight out of a 40's suspense melodrama, I didn't expect much from this film. Like most bad thrillers, the most entertaining portions of the film occur in the last twenty minutes, after the damsel in distress finally pieces things together and has to fight for her life. But the majority of the movie is just tedious set-up and scenes of Katie acting like an idiot as she uncovers what her hosts are really up to.

Is she so desperate for a job that she'd go to a remote house out in the country with a complete stranger, just to shoot an audition tape? If you see your drivers license burning in a fireplace, would you not automatically question your hosts? The movie is filled with situations where Katie is forced to do something stupid in order to move the story along. I've seen this so many times in so many of these kinds of movies, but at least sometimes it's exciting. Not here.



Like I said, things pick up in the last act. When Katie's evil Doppelgänger shows up, things get interesting, mainly because we get to see Steenburgen play two different roles, one timid and afraid, the other heartless and evil. Unfortunately for the film, but not for me, their final confrontation is so absurdly shot and choreographed, the scene intended to be tense turns out to be hilarious camp straight out of a Joan Crawford or Bette Davis thriller from the twilight of their careers.

To sum things up the movie isn't a complete disaster, it's just too derivative of films of the past, and doesn't add anything new to the 'woman in distress' thriller sub-genre. Steenburgen is pretty good, even if her character can be a complete idiot at times, and Roddy McDowell has some demented fun when the shit finally hits the fan during the climax.



Final Verdict: See It (if you don't mind cliches.)

Mr. Frost (1990)

Directed by: Philippe Setbon
Written by: Derry Hall + Brad Lynch
Starring: Jeff Goldblum, Alan Bates, Kathy Baker, Jean-Pierre Cassel, Vincent Schiavelli, Maxime Leroux, Francois Negret

When an insane mass murderer Mr. Frost (Jeff Goldblum) arrives at a secluded European psychiatric hospital, the only female doctor on the staff (Kathy Baker) finds herself strangely fascinated by him. He only speaks when she is around, and she is slowly seduced by his odd charms and mystique, despite his bloody past. Soon odd, frightening and deadly things begin to occur inside and outside of the clinic, and Mr. Frost reveals that he is more than just a mad serial killer, he claims he is Satan himself, and it is up to the doctor and a policeman (Alan Bates) to stop him.

For a so called horror film, nothing even remotely scary happens. Sure a few people are murdered and some 'scary' visions are seen, but even when these things happen, the filmmakers manage to make it boring, from beginning to end.

All the actors are terrible, especially Goldblum, who basically plays the same character he always plays but with long hair and a bad mood. The usually adept Kathy Baker seems bored whenever she isn't in some sort of trance or in Frost's thrall.

This movie has an interesting premise, but the script is pretty stupid, and the execution is even worse. Whether it was from budget constraints, a bad director, a satanic curse, or a mixture of all these things, the film is just awful. A better director could have taken the crappy script, improved on it's interesting conceits, and made a somewhat entertaining supernatural thriller. But there's no such luck here. What we get is a dull, wannabe intelligent horror film. It shoots to be in league with 'The Exorcist' but ends up in the toilet with 'Bless the Child.'



Final Verdict: Skip It

Terror At London Bridge (1985) aka Bridge Across Time

Directed by: E.W. Swackhamer
Written by: William F. Nolan
Starring: David Hasselhoff, Stepfanie Kramer, Randolph Mantooth, Adrienne Barbeau, Clu Gulager, Rose Marie

In 1888 Jack the Ripper is shot by police and dies in the Thames river. In 1985 the last original stone used to rebuild the London Bridge in Lake Havasu, Arizona is laid, and all the city is happy. But since that moment some strange murders occur in the quiet tourist destination. The policeman Don Gregory (Hasselhoff) has some suspects, but his ideas are quite strange. He thinks that Jack the Ripper has somehow been revived. Nobody believes him, even though he is, in fact, correct.

When I sat down to watch this, I didn't expect a masterpiece. I just expected it to be a bad 80's horror movie that would be good for some laughs and some gore. But this is a made-for-television horror film that should never have been made. The premise is ridiculous, the film is scare free, and the acting is atrocious. And since it was made for TV, there is no gore, just women screaming as Jack raises a blade as we fade to commercial.

This film isn't even good for some laughs. Despite the presence of the always terrible Hasselhoff and cult icon Adrienne Barbeau (who is given nothing interesting to do,) the movie is boring, plodding along until it's predictable conclusion.



Final Verdict: Skip It

The Dark Half (1993)

Directed by: George A. Romero
Written by: Stephen King; George A. Romero
Starring: Timothy Hutton, Mary Beth Hurt, Michael Rooker, Julie Harris, Robert Joy, Kent Broadhurst, Beth Grant, Rutanya Alda

There are only a small handful of films based on works by Stephen King that can without a doubt be classified as 'great movies.' They are 'Carrie,' 'The Shining,' 'Misery,' 'Dolores Claiborne,' 'The Dead Zone,' 'Stand By Me' and 'Cujo.' All the others range from 'flawed' to 'awful.'

Despite it's decent cast, and respected horror director Romero at the helm, 'The Dark Half' lies more towards the awful end of the spectrum. The filmmakers gave it their best shot but things just didn't work out. It fails as a horror film in terms of suspense, plausibility, and narrative.

When Thad Beaumont (Hutton) was a child, he had an operation to remove a tumor from his brain. During the operation, it was discovered that far from being a tumor, the growth was a twin brother of Thad's that never developed. Years later, Thad is a successful author, writing his serious books under his own name, and his trashy money-makers under the pseudonum 'George Stark.' When blackmailed by someone who has discovered his secret, Thad publically 'buries' George Stark. From that point on, Thad increasingly becomes the prime suspect in a series of gruesome murders.

Of all the King adaptations I've seen, this is one of the dullest. The main character is unsympathetic, his alter ego is two dimensional and totally hammy, you don't care about any of the victims (much less even know who they are at some points,) and there is hardly any horror and next to no tension.

However, there is some good production design and cinematography on display here, as well as some striking images. Huge flocks of sparrows gathering as an omen of doom is a haunting sight. But that alone can't save this film, which is just another King adaptation from a period where almost everything he'd write would end up being made into a movie.



Final Verdict: Skip It

The Gate (1987)

Directed by: Tibor Takacs
Written by: Michael Nankin
Starring: Stephen Dorff, Christa Denton, Louis Tripp, Kelly Rowan, Jennifer Irwin

When three kids (Dorff, Denton, and Tripp) accidentally open up a gateway to hell in their backyard, an army of demon creatures is unleashed. While their parents are away, it's up to them and their friends to defeat the evil creatures and close the portal.

This late 80's train-wreck is rips off both 'Gremlins' and 'Poltergeist.' We get a suburban tract house as the source of evil and cheesy demonic apparitions. But we also get little gray claymation creatures running around. As the film goes on each scene gets more ridiculous than the last, until the laughably bad final showdown. That's all there really is to say about this instantly forgettable kiddie horror flick.

Final Verdict: Skip It

The Terminator (1984)

Directed by: James Cameron
Written by: Harlan Ellison; James Cameron, Gale Anne Hurd + William Wisher Jr.
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Biehn, Linda Hamilton, Paul Winfield, Lance Henriksen, Bess Motta

I think the majority of people have seen this movie. However, I had only seen parts 2 and 3.

The story is familiar to most. A cyborg is sent back in time from the future to kill Sarah Conner, who will give birth the the leader of the human rebellion in the future. Also arriving back in time is human hottie Michael Biehn, who has sworn to protect Sarah.

I thought the story of an emotionless killing machine terminating anyone in the Los Angeles area with the name of Sarah Conner was just so twisted and just thinking of it makes my skin crawl. That's why I classify this film as more of a horror film than science fiction. There is a monster after Sarah Conner, and she needs to run. Sounds more like 'Halloween' than 'Star Trek' to me.

The sequels are definitely science fiction, but 'The Terminator' relies on suspense and a tight, efficient script over large special effects sequences. But very few films blend genres so well, but James Cameron really pulled it off here. (As he did with 'Aliens' a couple years later.)

So if you want to see when science fiction wasn't all transforming cars and web slinging superheroes, revisit this classic.



Final Verdict: See It