Burglar (1987)

Directed by: Hugh Wilson
Written by: Lawrence Block; Matthew Wilson + Hugh Wilson
Starring: Whoopi Goldberg, Bobcat Goldthwait, G.W. Bailey, Lesley Ann Warren, James Handy, Anne De Salvo, John Goodman, Elizabeth Ruscio

In 1985 Whoopi Goldberg made her film debut in 'The Color Purple' and gave one of the best performances of all time. After the success of 'The Color Purple' it seemed like Hollywood wasn't really sure how to find the right fit for Goldbergs talents. In 1986 and 1987, she starred in three action comedies, 'Jumpin' Jack Flash,' 'Fatal Beauty,' and 'Burglar.' It seemed like Hollywood was trying to mold her into a female Eddie Murphy.

Of the three, 'Burglar' is easily the best. Goldberg plays Bernice Rhodenbarr, a cat burglar and used book shop owner. When an ex-cop comes to her with a threat to hand in evidence that he withheld years ago that would incriminate her, she is forced to do a job for him. She agrees to steal a dentist's jewellery back from her ex-husband after a messy split. She carries out the crime but is interrupted and has to hide. When she comes out of hiding she finds the man dead and her bag of jewels gone. In order to clear herself she must find out who would want the man dead before the cops can get to her.

While 'Fatal Beauty' was too dark, and 'Jumpin' Jack Flash' was too scattershot, 'Burglar' manages to find a good balance between the comedy and the action. Most of the comedy comes from Goldberg, who plays the smart-ass, streetwise type very well. The rest of the laughs come from Bobcat Goldthwait, playing Goldberg's manic friend, and Lesley Ann Warren, playing the frazzled dentist. The rest of the cast plays it straight, not attempting to upstage the star, and it works well.

The film does have it's major flaws. Some sequences drag on too long, some of the comedy falls flat, and the movie is filled with cliched twists and turns. But when the film works, it works, thanks completely to Goldberg.



Final Verdict: See it if you want to see Whoopi Goldberg before she got all schmaltzy in the 1990's, and especially before she replaced Rosie on 'The View.'

Dead Of Winter (1987)

Directed by: Arthur Penn
Written by: Marc Shmuger + Mark Malone
Starring: Mary Steenburgen, Roddy McDowell, Jan Rubes, William Russ, Ken Pogue, Wayne Robson, Mark Malone

Mary Steenburgen plays Katie, a down on her luck actress who is told that she is being considered to take over a film role that was being played by someone else who greatly resembles her. The casting director (Roddy McDoweel) tell her that the first actress had a breakdown and ran away from the set. She is taken to a snowbound country house in remote upstate New York to film an audition tape for the eldery, wheelchair bound producer (Jan Rubes.) After she arrives, things begin to look as if they are not what they seem. Katie soon realizes she is in incredible danger and attempts escape.

With a premise straight out of a 40's suspense melodrama, I didn't expect much from this film. Like most bad thrillers, the most entertaining portions of the film occur in the last twenty minutes, after the damsel in distress finally pieces things together and has to fight for her life. But the majority of the movie is just tedious set-up and scenes of Katie acting like an idiot as she uncovers what her hosts are really up to.

Is she so desperate for a job that she'd go to a remote house out in the country with a complete stranger, just to shoot an audition tape? If you see your drivers license burning in a fireplace, would you not automatically question your hosts? The movie is filled with situations where Katie is forced to do something stupid in order to move the story along. I've seen this so many times in so many of these kinds of movies, but at least sometimes it's exciting. Not here.



Like I said, things pick up in the last act. When Katie's evil Doppelgänger shows up, things get interesting, mainly because we get to see Steenburgen play two different roles, one timid and afraid, the other heartless and evil. Unfortunately for the film, but not for me, their final confrontation is so absurdly shot and choreographed, the scene intended to be tense turns out to be hilarious camp straight out of a Joan Crawford or Bette Davis thriller from the twilight of their careers.

To sum things up the movie isn't a complete disaster, it's just too derivative of films of the past, and doesn't add anything new to the 'woman in distress' thriller sub-genre. Steenburgen is pretty good, even if her character can be a complete idiot at times, and Roddy McDowell has some demented fun when the shit finally hits the fan during the climax.



Final Verdict: See It (if you don't mind cliches.)

And God Created Woman (1988)

Directed by: Roger Vadim
Written by: R.J. Stewart
Starring: Rebecca De Mornay, Vincent Spano, Frank Lengella, Donovan Leitch, Judith Chapman

Probably one of the worst movies of the 1980's, 'And God Created Woman' stars Rebecca De Mornay as Robin, a prison inmate who convinces the prison handyman (Spano) to marry her for a large sum of money so she can get released on parole. When she's out, they move in together and don't get along. Robin starts a rock-band, hoping to fulfill her life long dreams of becoming famous. Soon Robin catches the eye of local senator James Tiernan, and they eventually have an affair. As Robin's new found freedom is put in jeopardy, she must do whatever she can to remain free, while not hurting the man she really loves.

If there was ever a movie looking for a point, this is it. The movie has no direction, it wants to be too many things and ends up nowhere. There are prison breaks, gratuitous sex, family squabbles, political banquets, and rock bands. The writing in this is so over the top I had a hard time figuring out if this movie was intended as a drama or a comedy.

Hack director Roger Vadim, remaking his own 1956 film of the same name, had hoped this might do for De Morney what the original film did for famous sex symbol Brigitte Bardot, but the film turned out to be a box-office dud, and she'd have to wait a few more years before her chilling performance in 'The Hand That Rocks the Cradle' finally saw her deservedly hit the big time.



Final Verdict: Skip It

Cooley High (1975)

Directed by: Michael Schultz
Written by: Eric Monte
Starring: Glynn Turman, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, Garrett Morris, Cynthia Davis, Corin Rogers, Maurice Leon Havis, Joseph Carter Wilson


This this coming of age dramedy set in Chicago in the early 60's, we follow a group of highschool friends as they navigate through the ups and downs of their lives. The two central characters are Leroy "Preach" Jackson (Turman) and his best friend Richard "Cochise" Morris (Hilton-Jacobs.) Both of these boys have promising futures. Preach is a great writer but a lazy student, and Cochise has just received a college scholarship for basketball. When they're not hanging out at the local diner shooting craps with their friends, or hanging out at a friends house or chasing girls, they're skipping school, riding the trains through Chicago or going to quarter parties on the weekends.

Things go wrong when Preach and Cochise make the mistake of getting involved with two hoods and go joyriding in a stolen car. The police pursue them and they are arrested. But thanks to the efforts of a concerned teacher (SNL's Garrett Morris) they are released. But the two hoods are not, and vow to get revenge on Preach and Cochise, thinking they blamed the whole thing on them.

This movie is very episodic, but it still works because thats what life is, a series of episodes. Some funny, some sad, some romantic, some bizarre. The film never gets boring because all the characters are so well played and realistic, and the situations are all believable and relatable. Like Preach romantically pursuing a beautiful girl, or a party turning violent when some asshole decides to start a fight, or dealing with a bratty younger sibling. But even when a situation isn't personally relatable, like the guys pretending to be undercover cops to con a hooker out of some money so they could get all their friends into a movie, the sequence is still hilarious.

'Cooley High' was the basis for the classic 70's sitcom 'What's Happenin!' which aired on ABC from 1976-1979. Even though the show is most famous for the character Rerun, he is not in this film, nor is there any character remotely like him. The humor of that show was very broad, but still funny. The humor of 'Cooley High' is truer to life, and thus more entertaining.

Additionally, the soundtrack is wonderful. Classic songs from that period by Diana Ross & The Supremes, The Temptations, Martha & the Vandellas, and Smokey Robinson play throughout the film, adding to the fun, youthful, exuberant tone of the film.



Final Verdict: See It

Terror At London Bridge (1985) aka Bridge Across Time

Directed by: E.W. Swackhamer
Written by: William F. Nolan
Starring: David Hasselhoff, Stepfanie Kramer, Randolph Mantooth, Adrienne Barbeau, Clu Gulager, Rose Marie

In 1888 Jack the Ripper is shot by police and dies in the Thames river. In 1985 the last original stone used to rebuild the London Bridge in Lake Havasu, Arizona is laid, and all the city is happy. But since that moment some strange murders occur in the quiet tourist destination. The policeman Don Gregory (Hasselhoff) has some suspects, but his ideas are quite strange. He thinks that Jack the Ripper has somehow been revived. Nobody believes him, even though he is, in fact, correct.

When I sat down to watch this, I didn't expect a masterpiece. I just expected it to be a bad 80's horror movie that would be good for some laughs and some gore. But this is a made-for-television horror film that should never have been made. The premise is ridiculous, the film is scare free, and the acting is atrocious. And since it was made for TV, there is no gore, just women screaming as Jack raises a blade as we fade to commercial.

This film isn't even good for some laughs. Despite the presence of the always terrible Hasselhoff and cult icon Adrienne Barbeau (who is given nothing interesting to do,) the movie is boring, plodding along until it's predictable conclusion.



Final Verdict: Skip It

Compulsion (1959)

Directed by: Richard Fleischer
Written by: Meyer Levin; Richard Murphy
Starring: Dean Stockwell, Bradford Dillman, Orson Welles, Diane Varsi, E.G. Marshall, Martin Milner, Richard Anderson, Gavin MacLeod

In this dramatization of the infamous 1924 Leopold and Loeb murder case, Dean Stockwell and Bradford Dillman play a pair of rich college students who decide that they can commit the perfect murder and get away with it. They kill a young teenage boy, off screen, but are soon arrested when police match a pair of glasses left at the crime scene to one of the men. Their wealthy parents hire renowned defense attorney Jonathan Wilk (Welles,) who is known for his passionate arguments against the death penalty. Both of the killers confess to the crime but Wilk pleads them not guilty. At the trial, they change the plea to guilty and Wilk argues passionately in favor of a life sentence rather than execution.

The first half of the film is great. We meet the two killers, see how they live, what makes them tick. It's all truly fascinating stuff that is acted very well by the leads. But the second half turns the movie into a shallow ad against capital punishment.

Firstly, we do not see the crime being committed. Perhaps seeing two grown men taking a child, killing him basically for fun, and then discarding his body like a bag of garbage would make a viewer think less of the two poor lads who go to trial.

Second, the little boy is treated more as a mentioned aside, rather than a real little boy. We do not see the huge impact that the murder has upon his family. We never even see the body. There are even subtle, basically unchallenged, references to him being a brat. Thus putting a little negative spin in the viewer's mind that the boy brought this evil upon himself!

Third, In the courtroom scenes, the audience is asked to question their beliefs if they happen to think the killers deserve to be executed for their cold blooded crime. During a long-winded speech made by Orson Welles (taken largely from actual courtroom transcripts) he goes on an on about how the two 'boys' shouldn't be put to death. I'm not going to get into what my beliefs on capital punishment are, but to ask an audience to feel some pity on two callous young men who murdered a boy for fun is absolutely ridiculous!

And we don't even hear any type of closing argument from the Prosecutor. As a matter of fact, everyone, even the judge, looks shamed by Orson's 'wonderful' speech about love, mercy, kindness, blah blah blah... It's a big fat cop out.

The acting and cinematography in 'Compulsion' is great, but the screenplay is just shallow liberal propaganda. (<-- And it really hurts me to say that.)



Final Verdict: See it for everything but the message.

Exposed (1983)

Directed by: James Toback
Written by: James Toback
Starring: Nastassja Kinski, Rudolf Nureyev, Harvey Keitel, Ian McShane, Bibi Andersson, Ron Randell

Every once in a while, you see a movie so dull and so stupid, you have to wonder if drugs were somehow involved in making the film. 'Exposed' is one of those films.

The plot of this film doesn't unravel, it oozes like molasses in January. Nastassja Kinski plays a Wisconsin farm girl named Elizabeth who leaves home and runs away to New York. After being discovered by a fashion photographer (McShane) she is whisked away into the glamorous world of fashion. Soon she's in Europe, and is recruited by a mysterious violin player (the awful corpse-like Rudolf Nureyev) to infiltrate a terrorist organization and kill it's leader. The leader is played by Harvey Keitel, who is given next to nothing to do.

The only good scene is at the very beginning when two terrorist babes blow up a Parisian restaurant. But it all goes downhill from there. In more capable hands and with a better cast, this film could have been good. But everything is a mess. The script is convoluted and boring, the acting is atrocious, the direction is flat, there is no suspense, and no characters that seem even human.

Oddly, so many people seem to praise Nastassja Kinski as a great actress. I've just never seen it. In every film I've seen her in she just seems vacant and bored, but this is Kinski at her worst, no doubt.



Final Verdict: Skip It

A Night To Remember (1942)

Directed by: Richard Wallace
Written by: Richard Flournoy + Jack Henley
Starring: Loretta Young, Brian Aherne, Jeff Donnell, William Wright, Sidney Toller, Gale Sondergaard, Donald MacBride, Lee Patrick

In this quaint, serviceable comedy, a mystery writer and his wife move into a basement apartment at 13 Gay Street in Greenwich Village. The whole house has a sinister air and the other tenants seem hostile and frightened. The discovery of a murdered body outside the couple's back door doesn't help the atmosphere.

What this film really is is a knock-off of the popular 'Thin Man' series starring William Powell and Myrna Loy. 'A Night to Remember' tries to reproduce the witty banter and screwball crime solving done so wonderfully in those films, and it is only somewhat successful.

Young and Aherne have good chemistry, and the supporting actors are all game, but most of the humor is forced, and the mystery, taking a backseat to the comic antics, is only somewhat intriguing and borders on implausible. The cinematography is pretty good, making the dark shadows of the apartment sinister, but the entire production reeks from budget constraints and looks cheap.

Final Verdict: If you've seen the brilliant first three 'Thin Man' films, don't bother with this one. You've already seen the best and you'll be disappointed here. However, if you haven't seen them yet, check this out, and then rent 'The Thin Man' movies and you'll appreciate them so much more.

The Window (1949)

Directed by: Ted Tetzlaff
Written by: Cornell Woolrich; Mel Dinelli
Starring: Bobby Driscoll, Barbara Hale, Arthur Kennedy, Paul Stewart, Ruth Roman

Now here is a great little film! I've been wanting to watch this for a couple years now, but since it is unavailable on DVD or VHS, it was impossible. Thank goodness for Turner Class Movies!

The story is simple. A little boy has a bad habit of making up wild stories to impress his friends and family. When he's sleeping out on his fire escape one sweltering summer night, he witnesses his upstairs neighbors murder a man. When he tells his mother and father, not surprisingly, they think he's making it all up or that he's had a bad dream. When the killers upstairs get wind that the little boy knows about their crime, the decide to kill him. So it's up to the boy to prove he's not lying and evade the killers.

'The Window' has many things in common with the much better known 'Rear Window.' For one thing, they're both based off of short stories written by Cornell Woolrich. Themes of voyeurism, murder, urban paranoia, and being trapped and defenseless dominate both films. 'Rear Window' is clearly the better film all around, but 'The Window' deserves to be released on DVD so it can be rediscovered and celebrated for the tight, compelling, suspenseful noir classic that it is.



Final Verdict: See It

While the City Sleeps (1956)

Directed by: Fritz Lang
Written by: Charles Einstein; Casey Robinson
Starring: Dana Andrews, Rhonda Fleming, George Sanders, Howard Duff, Thomas Mitchell, Vincent Price, Sally Forrest, John Barrymore Jr., James Craig, Ida Lupino

Famed European director Fritz Lang was responsible for such classics as 'Metropolis,' 'M,' and 'Scarlet Street,' among others. However, he made this film when his career was, sadly, in decline.

The plot involves a group of newspaper reporters trying to 'scoop' the others by finding out the identity of a mysterious serial killer murdering young women in New York City. The reporter who gets the scoop will be given a powerful position at the newspaper. What follows is an overlong, contrived, often dumb film filled with too many characters and too many subplots.

Out of the large cast, the only two performers who salvage their characters from the muddled script are George Sanders and Ida Lupino, who play an ambitious reporter and his scheming gossip columnist lover.

The cinematography at times is interesting and you can tell Lang hadn't completely lost his touch yet. The sequences involving the killer are particularly well shot and suspenseful. The rest of the movie, however, is pretty flat.



Final Verdict: Skip It

The Honeymoon Killers (1970)

Directed by: Leonard Kastle
Written by: Leonard Kastle
Starring: Shirley Stoller, Tony Lo Bianco, Mary Jane Higby, Doris Roberts, Kip McCardle, Marylin Chris

Based on the true story of Raymond Fernandez and Martha Beck, who met through a lonely-hearts correspondence club, Ray (Tony Lo Bianco) is sleazy and untrustworthy; Martha (Shirley Stoler) is obese, compulsive, and needy. Together, they play out a horrifying scheme in which he lures lonely women out on dates and proposes marriage to them, while she pretends to be his sister. After the marriage ceremonies, they take the womens savings and then murder them in cold blood.

The way this film is shot, with its grainy black and white footage, murky sound, bright whites and dark shadows, only adds to its incredibly unsettling nature. Watching this is almost like watching a documentary, and occasionally, a snuff film.

Though the acting from the supporting cast is a bit iffy at times, the two leads are excellent. Particularly Shirley Stoller. While Lo Bianco creates one of the most hateful slime-balls I've ever seen, Stoller dominates this film. Her Martha is a frightening, unpleasant, disgusting woman, who is as ugly on the inside as she is on the outside. Her evil nature fills the frame whenever she is on screen.

If you're looking for a fast paced thriller, look elsewhere. The pacing in this movie is slow, which only adds to the disturbing documentary feel. But if you want to see a movie where character comes first, and action second, seek this classic out.



Final Verdict: See It