Burglar (1987)

Directed by: Hugh Wilson
Written by: Lawrence Block; Matthew Wilson + Hugh Wilson
Starring: Whoopi Goldberg, Bobcat Goldthwait, G.W. Bailey, Lesley Ann Warren, James Handy, Anne De Salvo, John Goodman, Elizabeth Ruscio

In 1985 Whoopi Goldberg made her film debut in 'The Color Purple' and gave one of the best performances of all time. After the success of 'The Color Purple' it seemed like Hollywood wasn't really sure how to find the right fit for Goldbergs talents. In 1986 and 1987, she starred in three action comedies, 'Jumpin' Jack Flash,' 'Fatal Beauty,' and 'Burglar.' It seemed like Hollywood was trying to mold her into a female Eddie Murphy.

Of the three, 'Burglar' is easily the best. Goldberg plays Bernice Rhodenbarr, a cat burglar and used book shop owner. When an ex-cop comes to her with a threat to hand in evidence that he withheld years ago that would incriminate her, she is forced to do a job for him. She agrees to steal a dentist's jewellery back from her ex-husband after a messy split. She carries out the crime but is interrupted and has to hide. When she comes out of hiding she finds the man dead and her bag of jewels gone. In order to clear herself she must find out who would want the man dead before the cops can get to her.

While 'Fatal Beauty' was too dark, and 'Jumpin' Jack Flash' was too scattershot, 'Burglar' manages to find a good balance between the comedy and the action. Most of the comedy comes from Goldberg, who plays the smart-ass, streetwise type very well. The rest of the laughs come from Bobcat Goldthwait, playing Goldberg's manic friend, and Lesley Ann Warren, playing the frazzled dentist. The rest of the cast plays it straight, not attempting to upstage the star, and it works well.

The film does have it's major flaws. Some sequences drag on too long, some of the comedy falls flat, and the movie is filled with cliched twists and turns. But when the film works, it works, thanks completely to Goldberg.



Final Verdict: See it if you want to see Whoopi Goldberg before she got all schmaltzy in the 1990's, and especially before she replaced Rosie on 'The View.'

Nickelodeon (1976)

Directed by: Peter Bogdanovich
Written by: Peter Bogdanovich + W.D. Richter
Starring: Ryan O'Neal, Burt Reynolds, Tatum O'Neal, Brian Keith, Stella Stevens, John Ritter, Jane Hitchcock, Jack Perkins

This homage to the childhood days of the motion pictures starts in 1910, when the young attorney Leo Harrigan (Ryan O'Neal) by chance meets a motion picture producer. Immediately he's invited to become a writer for him - the start of a sensational career. Soon he's promoted to a director and shoots one silent movie after the other in the tiny desert village of Cacamonga with a small crew of actors. But the competition is hard: the patent agency sends out Buck Greenway (Burt Reynolds) to sabotage them. When they visit L.A., his crew is surprised by a new species: fans!

This movie has many problems. The biggest one being it's running time. At over two hours, it's just way too long for a comedy, especially one that aspires to recreate the screwball humor of the olden days. The second problem is the confusing tone. One moment it's a love story, the next it's a slapstick comedy, then it's a history of early filmmaking, then it's a melodrama, then back to comedy. Repeat that for over two hours and things get pretty tiresome. Because of the constant jerking of the tone, none of the leads make much of an impression with their characters.


The slapstick comedy that worked so well in director Bogdanovich's hilarious 'What's Up Doc?' falls flat on it's face here. If Bogdanovich hadn't used such a heavy-handed slapstick, there might have emerged a fond tribute to the pioneering days of silent films in the early part of the 20th Century. But instead, he has filled the movie with a whole series of non-stop sight gags that become tiresome and repetitious, even more so because none of the characters involved really come to life. As the pretty heroine of the piece, Jane Hitchcock has very limited abilities beyond staring wide-eyed into the camera lens. Burt Reynolds at least does derive several good chuckles from his comedy efforts as a reluctant participant in the troupe of silent film actors. Younger and elder O'Neal are not too bad, but Ryan is never as funny as he was in 'What's Up Doc?' and Tatum, whose performance in 'Paper Moon' is still the best child performance ever on film, isn't very memorable here.

Technically, the film is handsomely produced and pleasing to look at in color, but it plods along without the benefit of a tight script or a really compelling story and suffers, mainly, from the heavy-handed approach to comedy.


Final Verdict: Skip It

The Apartment (1960)

Directed by: Billy Wilder
Written by: Billy Wilder + I.A.L. Diamond
Starring: Jack Lemmon, Shirley MacLaine, Fred MacMurray, Ray Walston, Jack Kruschen, David Lewis, Hope Holiday, Joan Shawlee

Bud Baxter (Lemmon) is a struggling clerk in a huge New York insurance company. He's discovered a quick way to climb the corporate ladder - by lending out his apartment to the executives as a place to take their mistresses. He often has to deal with the aftermath of their visits and one night he's left with a major problem to solve, when the girl he loves, Fran Kubelik (MacLaine,) who also happens to be the mistress of his boss, tries to kill herself in his bedroom.

I expected so much from this film, as it's always referred to as a classic. In my opinion, it's a ridiculously overrated film. The main characters are absurd and their motivations make little sense. The supporting cast plays characters right out of a comic book. All this superficiality and absurdity wouldn't matter at all if only this were a proper comedy. Unfortunately, it isn't one. This is a romantic melodrama with some humorous one liners.

The film plays up the near-perfection and integrity of its two main leads, but it simply doesn't wash in MacLaine's case. If she is such an angel why is she a home-wrecker who goes out with a married man with kids? Her suicide attempt is too far-fetched and overly dramatic. And what's with Lemmon's character? This guy is so self-sacrificing and noble that he should have been nailed to the cross in the last scene.

The basic plot outline of the film is good and there was real potential there for a terrific situation comedy, but Billy Wilder took the easy route and turned this into a schmaltzy romance film with the Hollywood violins accompanying every schmaltzy scene. The charisma of the two leads simply isn't enough to drag this movie out of the mud. The jokes and gags that there are, are mostly primitive and outdated at best.



Final Verdict: Skip It

And God Created Woman (1988)

Directed by: Roger Vadim
Written by: R.J. Stewart
Starring: Rebecca De Mornay, Vincent Spano, Frank Lengella, Donovan Leitch, Judith Chapman

Probably one of the worst movies of the 1980's, 'And God Created Woman' stars Rebecca De Mornay as Robin, a prison inmate who convinces the prison handyman (Spano) to marry her for a large sum of money so she can get released on parole. When she's out, they move in together and don't get along. Robin starts a rock-band, hoping to fulfill her life long dreams of becoming famous. Soon Robin catches the eye of local senator James Tiernan, and they eventually have an affair. As Robin's new found freedom is put in jeopardy, she must do whatever she can to remain free, while not hurting the man she really loves.

If there was ever a movie looking for a point, this is it. The movie has no direction, it wants to be too many things and ends up nowhere. There are prison breaks, gratuitous sex, family squabbles, political banquets, and rock bands. The writing in this is so over the top I had a hard time figuring out if this movie was intended as a drama or a comedy.

Hack director Roger Vadim, remaking his own 1956 film of the same name, had hoped this might do for De Morney what the original film did for famous sex symbol Brigitte Bardot, but the film turned out to be a box-office dud, and she'd have to wait a few more years before her chilling performance in 'The Hand That Rocks the Cradle' finally saw her deservedly hit the big time.



Final Verdict: Skip It

Barefoot In the Park (1967)

Directed by: Gene Saks
Written by: Neil Simon
Starring: Jane Fonda, Robert Redford, Charles Boyer, Mildred Natwick, Herb Edelman

Robert Redford plays Paul Bratter, a conservative young lawyer, just married to a vivacious young woman, Corrie, played by Jane Fonda. Their highly passionate relationship descends into comical discord in a five-flight New York City walk-up apartment.

The only reason to check out this horribly dated comedy are the performances by Charles Boyer and Mildred Natwick, who play the eccentric upstairs neighbor and Corrie's uptight mother, respectively. Whenever they are on screen the movie comes alive with a comic energy that is absent in the rest of the film.

Redford and Fonda are alright but forgettable, and like most of the Neil Simon movie adaptations, the dialogue is corny and dated. In their day, Simon's plays must have been great on stage, but every film adaptation has the same kind of inoffensive and milquetoast humor that only Park Avenue types still find funny. After a while it just gets boring. Boyer and Natwick manage to make it work, but Fonda and Redford just sound like actors reciting dialogue from a play.

Final Verdict: See It for Charles Boyer and Mildred Natwick

Mighty Aphrodite (1995)

Directed by: Woody Allen
Written by: Woody Allen
Starring: Woody Allen, Mira Sorvino, F. Murray Abraham, Helena Bonham Carter, Olympia Dukakis, Michael Rapaport, David Ogden Stiers, Jack Warden, Peter Weller, Danielle Ferland

Sportswriter Lenny Weinrib (Allen) and his wife (Bonham-Carter) adopt a baby from an anonymous mother. After a few years pass, Lenny starts to wonder about the woman. Curiosity quickly gets the better of him, so he steals files from the adoption agency and sets out to find her. Lenny is dismayed, maybe even terrified, to find that Linda (Sorvino,) the mother, is a beautiful $200-an-hour prostitute. So that he can fashion the proper mother-son reunion and save himself from what fate seems to have in store, he determines to 'reform' Linda. Interwoven throughout the story is a greek chorus (including F. Murray Abraham and Olympia Dukakis,) who add their own unique take on the proceedings.

I've always preferred Woody Allen's comedies over his dramas. This one is probably one of my favorites. This film is a great example of Woody Allen showing no interest in convincing his audience into swallowing down some serious morals. It's light, fluffy, shamelessly sentimental and does not suffer a bit because of it. The plot is generally an uplifting tale of changing ones life for the better, and intertwined with this is some of Woody Allen's best humour. There are many entertaining characters, especially Mira Sorvino's prostitute and Michael Rapaport's dim-witted boxer, Kevin.

The stand-out here is Mira Sorvino. She is absolutely enthralling, with her ditsy nature and confidence masking a timid vulnerability, all of which earned her a well deserved Oscar. Linda could have been an over the top, cartoonish character, Pygmalion on crack. But under the careful direction of Allen, Sorvino gives the best performance of her career so far, and one of the funniest performances ever.



Final Verdict: See It

Weird Science (1985)

Directed by: John Hughes
Written by: John Hughes
Starring: Kelly LeBrock, Anthony Michael Hall, Ilan Mitchell-Smith, Bill Paxton, Suzanne Snyder, Judie Aronson, Robert Downey Jr., Robert Rusler, Vernon Wells, Michael Berryman

The plot is simple. Two unpopular teenage virgins (Hall and Mitchell-Smith) use a supercomputer to build the perfect woman (Kelly LeBrock.) She's programed to give them whatever they want. (Why they only create one for the two of them is a little kinky, no?) Instead of giving them what they want, the all-knowing Lisa gives them what she knows they really want. They want to be popular, well liked, cool, and most of all, popular with the ladies. So she sets out to boost their confidence using her magic powers and sex appeal in various ways.

The boys deal with bullies (Robert Downey Jr. and Robert Rusler,) a nasty older brother (Bill Paxton,) uptight parents, a gang of mutant bikers, a nuclear warhead in the living room, and cranky grandparents, all while gaining respect from their classmates and winning the affection of two popular girls from school.

Personally, I have never been big a fan of John Hughes movies*. I think 'Sixteen Candles,' 'Ferris Bueller,' and 'The Breakfast Club' are all overrated. They're not bad movies, I've just never personally found them very interesting.

But I really enjoyed 'Weird Science.' It's probably one of the most unpretentious films I've ever seen. It's random, funny, bizarre and has a refreshing anarchic feel to it. It's like a punk film without the punks.

Watch the Trailer

Final Verdict: See It

*Excludes the first three 'Vacation' movies, 'Class Reunion,' 'Uncle Buck,' 'Home Alone 1 & 2,' 'Beethoven 1 & 2,' and 'Dennis the Menace.' All films I cherish from my childhood. He only wrote those ones.

Cooley High (1975)

Directed by: Michael Schultz
Written by: Eric Monte
Starring: Glynn Turman, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, Garrett Morris, Cynthia Davis, Corin Rogers, Maurice Leon Havis, Joseph Carter Wilson


This this coming of age dramedy set in Chicago in the early 60's, we follow a group of highschool friends as they navigate through the ups and downs of their lives. The two central characters are Leroy "Preach" Jackson (Turman) and his best friend Richard "Cochise" Morris (Hilton-Jacobs.) Both of these boys have promising futures. Preach is a great writer but a lazy student, and Cochise has just received a college scholarship for basketball. When they're not hanging out at the local diner shooting craps with their friends, or hanging out at a friends house or chasing girls, they're skipping school, riding the trains through Chicago or going to quarter parties on the weekends.

Things go wrong when Preach and Cochise make the mistake of getting involved with two hoods and go joyriding in a stolen car. The police pursue them and they are arrested. But thanks to the efforts of a concerned teacher (SNL's Garrett Morris) they are released. But the two hoods are not, and vow to get revenge on Preach and Cochise, thinking they blamed the whole thing on them.

This movie is very episodic, but it still works because thats what life is, a series of episodes. Some funny, some sad, some romantic, some bizarre. The film never gets boring because all the characters are so well played and realistic, and the situations are all believable and relatable. Like Preach romantically pursuing a beautiful girl, or a party turning violent when some asshole decides to start a fight, or dealing with a bratty younger sibling. But even when a situation isn't personally relatable, like the guys pretending to be undercover cops to con a hooker out of some money so they could get all their friends into a movie, the sequence is still hilarious.

'Cooley High' was the basis for the classic 70's sitcom 'What's Happenin!' which aired on ABC from 1976-1979. Even though the show is most famous for the character Rerun, he is not in this film, nor is there any character remotely like him. The humor of that show was very broad, but still funny. The humor of 'Cooley High' is truer to life, and thus more entertaining.

Additionally, the soundtrack is wonderful. Classic songs from that period by Diana Ross & The Supremes, The Temptations, Martha & the Vandellas, and Smokey Robinson play throughout the film, adding to the fun, youthful, exuberant tone of the film.



Final Verdict: See It

Wildcats (1986)

Directed by: Michael Ritchie
Written by: Ezra Sacks
Starring: Goldie Hawn, Swoosie Kurtz, Robyn Lively, James Keach, Jan Hooks, Bruce McGill, Nipsey Russell, Mykelti Williamson, Wesley Snipes, Woody Harrelson

In the 1980's there wasn't a bigger female comedy star than Goldie Hawn. She excelled at playing the 'fish out of water' character in films like 'Private Benjamin,' 'Protocol,' and 'Overboard.' 'Wildcats' has the same formula those films had, only instead of the Army, Washington DC, or abject poverty, Goldie finds herself coaching football.

Here Goldie plays Molly, a divorced mother of two who has always dreamed of coaching a football team. But throughout her coaching career all she's been allowed to do was coach female track and field. When Molly gets the opportunity to take a head coaching job in an inner city school, she jumps at the chance. When she arrives at the school she is faced by a disorganized and disrespectful team of players. They don't want her as their coach, but she sticks to her guns, and she fights to gain their respect and obedience.

Of all the comedies that Goldie has starred in, this isn't one of her best. She's still great in this, but the film is overlong, bogged down by a buzz killing custody storyline with her schmuck ex-husband (Keach) and her two kids. There's also alot of unfunny 'fart humor' on display, but thankfully not from Goldie's character.

But when the film is good, it's good. Besides the custody storyline, things move at a brisk, fun pace. It's fun to watch Goldie work to get the team to see eye to eye with her, or hunt down the truant quarterback in the ghetto and almost get herself caught up in a robbery, or hide a rival teams goat mascot in the locker room.

This isn't really heavy stuff here, but it is a fun 80's comedy with a great star doing what she does best. So if you're a fan of Goldie Hawn and 80's comedies, check this out.

Final Verdict: See It

Mr. Billion (1977)

Directed by: Jonathan Kaplan
Written by: Ken Friedman + Jonathan Kaplan
Starring: Terence Hill, Valerie Perrine, Jackie Gleason, Slim Pickens, William Redfield, Chill Wills

In this awful late 70's cross country adventure film, Italian actor Terence Hill plays Guido Falcone, the recipient of his recently deceased uncles estate. Guido lives in a small village in Italy where he fixes cars for a living. He is visited by John Cutler, his uncles former right-hand man at the Falcon Bank in San Francisco. He informs Guido that he has 20 days to make it to San Francisco, or the inheritance will be null and void. Soon Guido is in New York and Cutler is back in San Francisco. Cutler has his greedy eyes on Guido's money and new found power at the bank. So he hires the sexy Rosie Jones to seduce Guido on his was to California, and trick him into signing over power of attorney to Cutler. What follows is an episodic cross country lark involving kidnappings, cowboys, explosions, bar fights, car chases, gunfights and other misadventures.

This movie might have been tolerable if the leads could actually act. Terence Hill and Valerie Perrine are embarrassingly bad. Watching Terence Hill in this made me wonder if the directors just grabbed the first decent looking italian guy they could find, rolled camera, and told him to read the cue cards.

Valerie Perrine, most well known (and funny) as Lex Luthor's main squeeze in the first two 'Superman' films, borders on bad camp in this. I must say her scenes were funny but not for the reasons intended. Her introduction scene is notably guffaw worthy.

But sadly, this isn't a good movie to watch to laugh at. Although there are a few unintentional howlers here and there, most of the movie is just plain boring.

There are some good arial shots along the way, and Slim Pickens makes things a little more fun when he's on screen, but all in all this is a true dud.

Final Verdict: Skip It

A Night To Remember (1942)

Directed by: Richard Wallace
Written by: Richard Flournoy + Jack Henley
Starring: Loretta Young, Brian Aherne, Jeff Donnell, William Wright, Sidney Toller, Gale Sondergaard, Donald MacBride, Lee Patrick

In this quaint, serviceable comedy, a mystery writer and his wife move into a basement apartment at 13 Gay Street in Greenwich Village. The whole house has a sinister air and the other tenants seem hostile and frightened. The discovery of a murdered body outside the couple's back door doesn't help the atmosphere.

What this film really is is a knock-off of the popular 'Thin Man' series starring William Powell and Myrna Loy. 'A Night to Remember' tries to reproduce the witty banter and screwball crime solving done so wonderfully in those films, and it is only somewhat successful.

Young and Aherne have good chemistry, and the supporting actors are all game, but most of the humor is forced, and the mystery, taking a backseat to the comic antics, is only somewhat intriguing and borders on implausible. The cinematography is pretty good, making the dark shadows of the apartment sinister, but the entire production reeks from budget constraints and looks cheap.

Final Verdict: If you've seen the brilliant first three 'Thin Man' films, don't bother with this one. You've already seen the best and you'll be disappointed here. However, if you haven't seen them yet, check this out, and then rent 'The Thin Man' movies and you'll appreciate them so much more.

Full Moon High (1981)

Directed by: Larry Cohen
Written by: Larry Cohen
Starring: Adam Arkin, Ed McMahon, Roz Kelly, Kenneth Mars, Alan Arkin, Demond Wilson, Bob Saget, Joanne Nail, Pat Morita, Elizabeth Hartmen

In this send-up of horror films, 50's cold war paranoia, Reagan-era America, and high school films, Adam Arkin plays Tony, the star quarterback of Full Moon High in the 1950's. He and his father (Ed McMahon) travel to communist Romania and while he's lost in the streets one night, he is bitten by a werewolf. When he returns stateside, he cannot control his animalistic urges and goes on a killing spree. Frustrated, he flees town. Decades later, the immortal Tony returns to town and re-enrolls in highschool. He still can't control his transformations, and the townspeople, and his friends, realize he's not quite human. It all culminates during the schools big football game.

I expected this to be one of those 'so bad it's good' films from the early 80's. But I was surprised that the film was actually, legitimately funny. The cast, including Kenneth Mars as a pervy coach, Roz Kelly as Tony's lusty former flame, Demond Wilson as a bus driver, and Alan Arkin as a oddball doctor, go all out, with hilarious results.

While watching this film I was struck by how similar the writing and humor were to 'Family Guy.' 'Full Moon High' has that same anything goes attitude and never takes itself seriously.



Final Verdict: See It

Choose Me (1984)

Directed by: Alan Rudolph
Written by: Alan Rudolph
Starring: Genevieve Bujold, Keith Carradine, Lesley Ann Warren, Patrick Bauchau, Rae Dawn Chong, John Larroquette

'Choose Me' concerns the interconnected love lives of several attractive people living in Los Angeles. They include a radio host (Bujold,) an escaped mental patient (Carradine,) an owner of a nightclub (Warren,) her married lover (Patrick Bauchau,) and his bored wife (Chong.) All these characters cross paths constantly. The nightclub owner calls the radio show for love advice, the radio host moves in with the nightclub owner, the mental patient sleeps with both of them, separately. Also getting involved are the married man, who plays poker with and fights the mental patient, who then sleeps with his wife, who hangs out at the nightclub.

It's all very convoluted and unbelievable. The ridiculous coincidences in this movie make the forced connections in 'Crash' seem absolutely brilliant. And none of it is ever very interesting. This was supposed to be a 'serious comedy' but all it turned out to be was a boring cheese-fest.

No one comes out of this unscathed. Everyone gives terrible performances, especially Rae Dawn Chong. The scene where her husband finds her in bed with the mental patient is hilarious for all the wrong reasons.

'Choose Me' also has a horrible soundtrack. Over all the scenes that should be romantic or dramatic, R&B songs by Teddy Pendergrass are played. It makes this already boring movie even harder to watch. On their own the songs aren't bad, but they just seem so out of place in this film.

Final Verdict: Skip It

The Naked Truth (1957)

Directed by: Mario Zampi
Written by: Michael Pertwee
Starring: Terry-Thomas, Peter Sellers, Peggy Mount, Shirley Eaton, Dennis Price, Joan Sims

Released in America as 'Your Past Is Showing,' this amusing black comedy concerns a group of English celebrities and nobility who are being blackmailed by Nigel Dennis, an unscrupulous tabloid reporter. Four of these people, a Lord (Terry-Thomas,) a television host (Sellers,) an author (Mount,) and a model (Eaton) decide to fight back and kill their blackmailer. The catch is, none of them are aware anyone else is targeting Dennis. What follows is a series of humorous attempts to off Nigel Dennis.

Peter Sellers gets to dress up in various disguises and do impressions. Watching him is watching a true genius at work. But the movie is stolen by Peggy Mount, who plays the daffy author. She and her hilariously skittish daughter, played by Joan Sims, concoct a plan to poison Dennis, lock him in a trunk and dump him in the river. But things go wrong on several levels, and the way these two cope is hilarious.

As all the characters come together for the final act, things escalate and become even funnier. So if you enjoy british comedy, a fan of Peter Sellers, or just in the mood for a laugh, then don't hesitate to watch this film.

Watch the Trailer

Final Verdict: See It

The Super (1991)

Directed by: Rod Daniel
Written by: Sam Simon
Starring: Joe Pesci, Vincent Gardenia, Madolyn Smith Osborne, Ruben Blades, Stacey Travis, Carlole Shelley, Beatrice Winde

I would have ideally liked for the first film on the blog to be one more noteworthy or interesting. But since 'The Super' was the first film I watched, here I am, writing about it.

This is a movie I'd seen bits and pieces of on TV growing up over the years, but had never seen from start to finish. When I saw it was airing I immediately scheduled it for recording. Well, I'm glad I saw it and finally got it out of my system.

It's not as terrible as I thought it would be, as there are some funny moments, but on a whole it's a misfire. Without Joe Pesci this would have been just painful to watch but because he has such a presence on screen, the movie is saved. Barely.

If you and your friends want to have a movie marathon with a theme, may I suggest one? How about a 'Late Eighties/Early Nineties Race Relation Movies Set In NYC' night? You can watch this movie, Do the Right Thing, Bonfire of the Vanities, and Jungle Fever. Hey, it's just a suggestion.

That's all I'm gonna write for this one. In the future as I watch better movies and get used to writing this blog, things will get better. I promise.



Final Verdict: Skip It