Burglar (1987)

Directed by: Hugh Wilson
Written by: Lawrence Block; Matthew Wilson + Hugh Wilson
Starring: Whoopi Goldberg, Bobcat Goldthwait, G.W. Bailey, Lesley Ann Warren, James Handy, Anne De Salvo, John Goodman, Elizabeth Ruscio

In 1985 Whoopi Goldberg made her film debut in 'The Color Purple' and gave one of the best performances of all time. After the success of 'The Color Purple' it seemed like Hollywood wasn't really sure how to find the right fit for Goldbergs talents. In 1986 and 1987, she starred in three action comedies, 'Jumpin' Jack Flash,' 'Fatal Beauty,' and 'Burglar.' It seemed like Hollywood was trying to mold her into a female Eddie Murphy.

Of the three, 'Burglar' is easily the best. Goldberg plays Bernice Rhodenbarr, a cat burglar and used book shop owner. When an ex-cop comes to her with a threat to hand in evidence that he withheld years ago that would incriminate her, she is forced to do a job for him. She agrees to steal a dentist's jewellery back from her ex-husband after a messy split. She carries out the crime but is interrupted and has to hide. When she comes out of hiding she finds the man dead and her bag of jewels gone. In order to clear herself she must find out who would want the man dead before the cops can get to her.

While 'Fatal Beauty' was too dark, and 'Jumpin' Jack Flash' was too scattershot, 'Burglar' manages to find a good balance between the comedy and the action. Most of the comedy comes from Goldberg, who plays the smart-ass, streetwise type very well. The rest of the laughs come from Bobcat Goldthwait, playing Goldberg's manic friend, and Lesley Ann Warren, playing the frazzled dentist. The rest of the cast plays it straight, not attempting to upstage the star, and it works well.

The film does have it's major flaws. Some sequences drag on too long, some of the comedy falls flat, and the movie is filled with cliched twists and turns. But when the film works, it works, thanks completely to Goldberg.



Final Verdict: See it if you want to see Whoopi Goldberg before she got all schmaltzy in the 1990's, and especially before she replaced Rosie on 'The View.'

Dead Of Winter (1987)

Directed by: Arthur Penn
Written by: Marc Shmuger + Mark Malone
Starring: Mary Steenburgen, Roddy McDowell, Jan Rubes, William Russ, Ken Pogue, Wayne Robson, Mark Malone

Mary Steenburgen plays Katie, a down on her luck actress who is told that she is being considered to take over a film role that was being played by someone else who greatly resembles her. The casting director (Roddy McDoweel) tell her that the first actress had a breakdown and ran away from the set. She is taken to a snowbound country house in remote upstate New York to film an audition tape for the eldery, wheelchair bound producer (Jan Rubes.) After she arrives, things begin to look as if they are not what they seem. Katie soon realizes she is in incredible danger and attempts escape.

With a premise straight out of a 40's suspense melodrama, I didn't expect much from this film. Like most bad thrillers, the most entertaining portions of the film occur in the last twenty minutes, after the damsel in distress finally pieces things together and has to fight for her life. But the majority of the movie is just tedious set-up and scenes of Katie acting like an idiot as she uncovers what her hosts are really up to.

Is she so desperate for a job that she'd go to a remote house out in the country with a complete stranger, just to shoot an audition tape? If you see your drivers license burning in a fireplace, would you not automatically question your hosts? The movie is filled with situations where Katie is forced to do something stupid in order to move the story along. I've seen this so many times in so many of these kinds of movies, but at least sometimes it's exciting. Not here.



Like I said, things pick up in the last act. When Katie's evil Doppelgänger shows up, things get interesting, mainly because we get to see Steenburgen play two different roles, one timid and afraid, the other heartless and evil. Unfortunately for the film, but not for me, their final confrontation is so absurdly shot and choreographed, the scene intended to be tense turns out to be hilarious camp straight out of a Joan Crawford or Bette Davis thriller from the twilight of their careers.

To sum things up the movie isn't a complete disaster, it's just too derivative of films of the past, and doesn't add anything new to the 'woman in distress' thriller sub-genre. Steenburgen is pretty good, even if her character can be a complete idiot at times, and Roddy McDowell has some demented fun when the shit finally hits the fan during the climax.



Final Verdict: See It (if you don't mind cliches.)

Terror At London Bridge (1985) aka Bridge Across Time

Directed by: E.W. Swackhamer
Written by: William F. Nolan
Starring: David Hasselhoff, Stepfanie Kramer, Randolph Mantooth, Adrienne Barbeau, Clu Gulager, Rose Marie

In 1888 Jack the Ripper is shot by police and dies in the Thames river. In 1985 the last original stone used to rebuild the London Bridge in Lake Havasu, Arizona is laid, and all the city is happy. But since that moment some strange murders occur in the quiet tourist destination. The policeman Don Gregory (Hasselhoff) has some suspects, but his ideas are quite strange. He thinks that Jack the Ripper has somehow been revived. Nobody believes him, even though he is, in fact, correct.

When I sat down to watch this, I didn't expect a masterpiece. I just expected it to be a bad 80's horror movie that would be good for some laughs and some gore. But this is a made-for-television horror film that should never have been made. The premise is ridiculous, the film is scare free, and the acting is atrocious. And since it was made for TV, there is no gore, just women screaming as Jack raises a blade as we fade to commercial.

This film isn't even good for some laughs. Despite the presence of the always terrible Hasselhoff and cult icon Adrienne Barbeau (who is given nothing interesting to do,) the movie is boring, plodding along until it's predictable conclusion.



Final Verdict: Skip It

The Dark Half (1993)

Directed by: George A. Romero
Written by: Stephen King; George A. Romero
Starring: Timothy Hutton, Mary Beth Hurt, Michael Rooker, Julie Harris, Robert Joy, Kent Broadhurst, Beth Grant, Rutanya Alda

There are only a small handful of films based on works by Stephen King that can without a doubt be classified as 'great movies.' They are 'Carrie,' 'The Shining,' 'Misery,' 'Dolores Claiborne,' 'The Dead Zone,' 'Stand By Me' and 'Cujo.' All the others range from 'flawed' to 'awful.'

Despite it's decent cast, and respected horror director Romero at the helm, 'The Dark Half' lies more towards the awful end of the spectrum. The filmmakers gave it their best shot but things just didn't work out. It fails as a horror film in terms of suspense, plausibility, and narrative.

When Thad Beaumont (Hutton) was a child, he had an operation to remove a tumor from his brain. During the operation, it was discovered that far from being a tumor, the growth was a twin brother of Thad's that never developed. Years later, Thad is a successful author, writing his serious books under his own name, and his trashy money-makers under the pseudonum 'George Stark.' When blackmailed by someone who has discovered his secret, Thad publically 'buries' George Stark. From that point on, Thad increasingly becomes the prime suspect in a series of gruesome murders.

Of all the King adaptations I've seen, this is one of the dullest. The main character is unsympathetic, his alter ego is two dimensional and totally hammy, you don't care about any of the victims (much less even know who they are at some points,) and there is hardly any horror and next to no tension.

However, there is some good production design and cinematography on display here, as well as some striking images. Huge flocks of sparrows gathering as an omen of doom is a haunting sight. But that alone can't save this film, which is just another King adaptation from a period where almost everything he'd write would end up being made into a movie.



Final Verdict: Skip It

A Night To Remember (1942)

Directed by: Richard Wallace
Written by: Richard Flournoy + Jack Henley
Starring: Loretta Young, Brian Aherne, Jeff Donnell, William Wright, Sidney Toller, Gale Sondergaard, Donald MacBride, Lee Patrick

In this quaint, serviceable comedy, a mystery writer and his wife move into a basement apartment at 13 Gay Street in Greenwich Village. The whole house has a sinister air and the other tenants seem hostile and frightened. The discovery of a murdered body outside the couple's back door doesn't help the atmosphere.

What this film really is is a knock-off of the popular 'Thin Man' series starring William Powell and Myrna Loy. 'A Night to Remember' tries to reproduce the witty banter and screwball crime solving done so wonderfully in those films, and it is only somewhat successful.

Young and Aherne have good chemistry, and the supporting actors are all game, but most of the humor is forced, and the mystery, taking a backseat to the comic antics, is only somewhat intriguing and borders on implausible. The cinematography is pretty good, making the dark shadows of the apartment sinister, but the entire production reeks from budget constraints and looks cheap.

Final Verdict: If you've seen the brilliant first three 'Thin Man' films, don't bother with this one. You've already seen the best and you'll be disappointed here. However, if you haven't seen them yet, check this out, and then rent 'The Thin Man' movies and you'll appreciate them so much more.

While the City Sleeps (1956)

Directed by: Fritz Lang
Written by: Charles Einstein; Casey Robinson
Starring: Dana Andrews, Rhonda Fleming, George Sanders, Howard Duff, Thomas Mitchell, Vincent Price, Sally Forrest, John Barrymore Jr., James Craig, Ida Lupino

Famed European director Fritz Lang was responsible for such classics as 'Metropolis,' 'M,' and 'Scarlet Street,' among others. However, he made this film when his career was, sadly, in decline.

The plot involves a group of newspaper reporters trying to 'scoop' the others by finding out the identity of a mysterious serial killer murdering young women in New York City. The reporter who gets the scoop will be given a powerful position at the newspaper. What follows is an overlong, contrived, often dumb film filled with too many characters and too many subplots.

Out of the large cast, the only two performers who salvage their characters from the muddled script are George Sanders and Ida Lupino, who play an ambitious reporter and his scheming gossip columnist lover.

The cinematography at times is interesting and you can tell Lang hadn't completely lost his touch yet. The sequences involving the killer are particularly well shot and suspenseful. The rest of the movie, however, is pretty flat.



Final Verdict: Skip It